I'm Surviving Low Carb Life, and You Can Too

If a friend of mine came to me 4 years ago, suggesting a low carb diet, I would have asked them why they hated me and wanted me to die hungry. Though, since then, I have found that God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy, but you can survive a low carb diet. Hell, you can live happily on it. All it took was some low carb recipes that successfully curbed my carb cravings for me to understand that. As I find more, I promise to add them here...

Low Carb Pumpkin muffins with low carb cream cheese frosting:

This shit will arouse your taste-buds and curb cake/brownie cravings. Recipe:

Muffins:

• 5 Eggs

• 1 cup of pumpkin puree

• ¼ cup butter

• ½ cup coconut flour

• 1 tsp baking soda

• 1 tsp vanilla

• 1-2 Tablespoons of pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon

• a few drops or packets of stevia

Mix ingredients together, then put about 1/4 cup of batter in each muffin cup. Put them in the oven at 400 degrees for 13 to 18 minutes. 
Cream cheese frosting: softened cream cheese, a couple stevia packets, vanilla extract, cinnamon.

BOOYAH.

Low Carb Mini "Pizzas":

These will kick the piss out of a traditional pizza craving. Recipe:

Take baby bella mushrooms, dig out the stems. Then, add tomato sauce  to their middles. Top that with mozzarella & parmesan cheeses. To finish, place a piece of pepperoni on top of that. Bake at 350 for 20-23 minutes. Instead of pepperoni, you could mix in some cooked ground sausage in the sauce, if you wish.

MERICA.

Low Carb Chips & Low Carb Guacamole:

Do you have an assertive chip and dip craving? I got you. Recipe:

Chips:

I cut up low carb Mission tortillas. Sometimes I use a pizza cutter, sometimes I use cookie cutters for fun little holiday shapes. The kids love that kinda crap. Then, I put them either under the broiler in the oven (takes almost no time), or bake them for a few more minutes on 400 degrees. Just enough to make them crispy. 

Guacamole:

2-3 avocados, sea salt, a couple tbsps of lime juice, a few canned diced tomatoes, and for spice: Tabasco or something similar. 

OH, YOU DON'T WANT GUACOMOLE FOR THOSE TASTY ASS CHIPS? Okay. What about...

Low Carb Spinach And Artichoke dip?

Oh yes. I flippin' went there. Recipe:

1 cup cream cheese

1 cup mozzarella cheese

4 tbsp butter

About 5 oz of spinach, cooked

1/2 to a whole can of artichoke hearts

Melt butter in a pan, then add cream cheese, on medium. When almost melted, add all other ingredients, simmer on low for 15 minutes or so. Add garlic and salt to your tasting needs during the simmering process.

RAWR.

I know, I know. Noodle cravings are the WORST. I suggest using spaghetti squash, or  saute some zucchini "noodles" (use a Vegetti to cut them). 

So, after you saute the zucchini noodles, you can make ITALIAN ZUCCHINI NOODLE SALAD, because you're a winner.

Ingredients:

Zucchini noodles (after sauteed for 5 minutes, drained, and rinsed with cold water)

Italian dressing (zesty or regular)

Sliced Kalamata olives

Shredded parmesan cheese

Salami, cut

Sundried tomatoes (not too many)

Mix all the ingredients to your taste, and then refrigerate for at least 45 minutes before enjoying that delectable concoction. 

AND NOW FOR MORE SALAMI (and some pepperoni)--try some low carb Italian Pinwheels:

Slather a low carb tortilla with whipped cream cheese and a little Italian dressing. Cut up a few banana peppers and spread them around on the cheese, then layer some spinach, salami, and pepperoni. Roll it tightly, and cut into sections--like some little low carb Italian sushi sammiches. But for America. Oh snaps.

LOOKING FOR A QUICK, 3 INGREDIENT LOW CARB SNACK?

Slather some slices of salami with whipped cream cheese. Then, cut up mini yellow sweet peppers and put them in the cream cheese. Fold that damn thing and it'll look like a taco of low carb VICTORY.

How about a low carb breakfast that can easily be made into a DESSERT?

This is a low carb strawberry cheesecake smoothie:

In a blender combine:

1 cup of unsweetened almond milk

5 frozen strawberries

1/4 cup whipped cream cheese

Sugar-free liquid vanilla sweetener, to your taste (I use about 1/8 cup)

WANNA TURN THAT DELECTABLE BREAKFAST INTO A LOW CARB AFTER DINNER TREAT?  Then all you have to do is add unsweetened cocoa powder and a little more sugar-free sweetener. I shit you not. It is all that without the bag of high carb potato chips.

Update: April 10, 2016: I found a comfort food-esque casserole that is about 4 net carbs per serving! It's called:

Ground Beef & Broccoli Cheesy Casserole.

Ingredients:

1 pound ground beef

1/4 onion

12 ounces broccoli

8 ounces cream cheese

1/2 cup parmesan cheese

1 tsp garlic powder

1/2 cup heavy cream

1/4 cup mozzarella 

Cook the onions & ground beef together (season with salt & pepper as desired). Drain. Steam the broccoli. Drain. Mix together cream cheese, Parmesan cheese, heavy cream and garlic powder. Then mix together meat, onions, broccoli, and creamy blend in a large casserole dish. Top with mozzarella and a little more black pepper. Put in oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.